Dressing Gown Dreams Part I

In order to achieve this there are three main aspects to consider, the preparation, the ZZZZs themselves and the awakening.  Our guide to achieving sensual slumber as follows…….

Survey your kingdom / bedroom

-fluff the duvet, bedclothes, blankets and so on

-remove any cats, dogs or other livestock

-extricate small children, especially if they don’t belong to you

-sweep out previous morning’s toast/biscuit/cake crumbs

-turn the lights low, but not off otherwise you’ll trip over the furniture

-collect any ties, ropes or handcuffs from previous night, you fifty-shader you

-put on a SoffiaB luxury silk robe, having removed day clothes first

-go forth to the bathroom

-cleanse face thoroughly, but not too thoroughly you remove your eyebrows

-take ten deep breaths and gracefully, no flinging allowed, step into bed


-take a few more deep breaths, but not so many as you begin to hyperventilate, paramedics don’t take kindly to self-induced hysteria, just ask my Mother

-think lovely thoughts, not sexy thoughts that get the blood racing, just lovely, pure, chocolate bar thoughts

-double check whoever the person next to you is, is in fact your chosen one

-drift off into the land of nod, Z-ville, la la land etc


Should you stir

-do not reach for the sleeping pills, remember what happened to Michael Jackson!

-roll over without squashing the cat and try a cooler part of the bed

-throw out the pieces of lego you’ve just rolled onto

-feel free at this point, should you be sharing your bed with anyone, to wake them too and have a chat about why you woke, they’ll really appreciate the insight

-read War and Peace cover to cover, then the Iliad for a laugh


The rising

-employ a rooster so you can wake like they did in the old days

-remove any small domesticated pets that have appeared from the bed

-check to see if the person next to you is still the same one

-call the Police if it’s not

-put on your SoffiaB luxury silk robe over your Birthday suit

-did no one tell you suits are back in

-straighten the bed out and tell it exactly what’s on your mind

-waft to the bathroom but well before the household teenager avenges their grounding from the night before and stays abluting in your bathroom for 3 days

-wash and go

If this becomes too complicated or time consuming, there’s always alcohol, coffee and the local bed and breakfast.

Sweet Dressing Gown Dreams!  Look Gorgeous, Feel Fabulous - Sophie

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